People would usually tell you that I am friendly, peaceful and mellow. That I am civilized and helpful. And that is all true, you should believe them when you hear that. But there is one thing (there are actually several more) that I really, really hate. Maybe I don't hate it, but I despise it. I definitely hate to eat it. That is - celery.
Whenever I see it at work during lunch, I instantly lose my appetite. Sometimes someone brings it for a snack. I lose my mind instantly. I don't want to see it, I don't want to smell, and sure as hell I don't want to taste it. Do you know how celery tastes? I know you don't want to, but let me describe it, so that you can avoid it in a radius of 300 kilometers. It tastes like a dead elephant's wet and sour sock or a kilogram of seven-year-old dill sauce that a skunk used as a toilet bowl. Yeah, it's that bad.
Today I asked ChatGPT to write a poem about hate towards celery. It gave me this:
Hate towards celery, a curious thing,
A vegetable that some just can't bring
Themselves to eat, with its fibrous strands,
And bitter taste that never quite lands.
Its crunch may be satisfying to some,
But to others it's just plain ho-hum.
They shun it in salads and stir-fry dishes,
Preferring instead more flavorful wishes.
But perhaps this hate is unfair,
For celery offers something rare.
With vitamins and minerals galore,
It's a healthy food we should adore.
And though its taste may not inspire,
It's a veggie we can't entirely retire.
For in soups and stews it adds a note,
Of subtle flavor, without which we'd gloat.
So let us not hate on poor celery,
But give it a chance to earn our revelry.
For though it may not be our favorite food,
It still deserves our gratitude.
I wasn't satisfied, mostly due to it trying to make us not hate celery but actually appreciate it. Nah-ah, don't like it. So, I asked it again: tgpt "Write a poem about how much I hate towards celery. No good words about celery." It gave me this:
Oh, how I hate thee, bitter celery,
A veggie I cannot stand to see.
Fibrous and stringy, with a taste so vile,
In my mouth it feels like an endless mile.
No matter how it's cooked or sliced,
Its flavor leaves me feeling iced.
I'd rather eat dirt or grime,
Than suffer through another celery crime.
Why does anyone praise this terrible food?
It's tasteless, bland, and downright crude.
I'd rather starve than eat this sorry excuse,
For a vegetable that just leaves me feeling obtuse.
So let us banish this horrid plant,
From our meals forevermore, lest we can't
Endure its wretchedness for one more day,
And be forced to live in celery dismay.
And this was much better work.
For the longest time, I believed I was alone in my disdain for celery, but I recently found a colleague who shares my sentiment. After searching online, I discovered that many people despise celery just as strongly as I do. And I also stumbled upon this standup:
*Just say no to this travesty! *