Unsatisfied with transition

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, Football 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,
Desperate.

Answer:

DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command prompt: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications jewelery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6. 1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck Babe!
Tech Support

Related to http://avdibeg.dk/blog/2008/08/05/en-gammel-n%c3%b8rdejoke/ (Danish)

Music from the toilet

Okay, I found an alternative way to make a music … or not. I picked up my toilet brush in my toilet and started to make some sweet music. Pay attention to the special “bending” sound. If my toilet was connected directly to sea I am sure it could attract whales with these sounds. Am I genius or what?
If I ever make a song out of this I will call it “Talking To Whales (We Come in Peace)”. Enjoy!

Klima og justits

Jeg har lige hørt i radioen at justitsministeren Lene Espersen vil kigge på den dårlige klima i de danske fængsler. Er det ikke klimaministeren der burde sættes på sagen i stedet for?

You are a Bosnian when…

I found this list somewhere on the Internet (I don’t know where, sorry)

You are a Bosnian when:

  • you begin most sentences with “jebi ga” (fuck it).
  • you can not explain what “bolan” means, but you use it all the time.
  • your mother insists that “promaha” (draught) will kill you.
  • older people call you “sine” (son!) although you are a girl.
  • your mother tells you to wear “podkosulja” (undershirt), no matter what the temperature outside.
  • you tuck your “podkosulja” into your underwear.
  • your father refers to all politicians with “djubrad”, “lopovi” (thieves) and “kriminalci” (criminals).
  • your mother threatens you with “samo cekaj dok ti caca dodje kuci” (just wait till your dad gets home).
  • you are 6 and your father sends you out to buy him “Drina” and “Sarajevsko” (brands of cigarettes and beer).
  • you start your day with a cup of coffee and a cigarette
  • your mother won’t accept the fact that you are not hungry
  • you have “pita” (Bosnian food that is like a pastry puff filled with salty fillings like cheese, meat or potatoes) for dinner at least 4 days a week.
  • you have “sarma” (stuffed cabbage) for dinner the remaining 3 days
  • a loaf of bread is eaten for lunch every day
  • your neighbor comes over every day uninvited, for coffee
  • you have 17 consonants and 2 vowels in your last name
  • your mother tells you not to sit close to TV, and not to use cell phones, because you will get brain tumor
  • your mother tells you that you will get sick from drinking cold water
  • your parents have “goblene” on their walls, and “heklanje” (fine handmade lace) on every piece of their furniture, including the TV.
  • the time is divided into “before” and “after” the war

Laugh of the day

Everyone knows I am not a big fan of Lord of the Rings mania. Yes, I watched all three LoTR films, but I promised to myself I will never watch them again. They were not bad, but not great neither, so I don’t want to spend another 10-11 hours of my life on them.
My feelings about the films (and books, too) are wonderfully depicted by this quote:

“Oh no! Not another fucking elf!” — Oxford English professor Hugo Dyson, interrupting J.R.R. Tolkien during an early reading from The Lord of the Rings

Oh, this is great, so great!

Source: Futility Closet
More on topic: Arts Journal